Friday, May 20, 2011

{on my heart...}

Motherhood.  I would say parenting, but really that would be my way of distributing this Momma guilt to my Hubs and I need to learn how to play fair.  My dear friend Rachel posted this incredible post this week, appropriately titled {Using My Words}.  Here's my response:
fat tears. truth echoed. rebuke accepted. so thankful you obey the prompting of the holy spirit, this post was so timely. needing breakthrough in parenting. desperately. are things terrible? no. are they inching further and further away from the cross? yes. an inch a part from jesus is too much. i convince myself that being strict or more conservative in my parenting comes with a sharp tone, tongue even. the truth is, god always speaks truth in love, and if he is my standard, how can i justify the opposite? thank you friend. you can add this to tuesday's prayer request. please, i/we need the body's covering. thank you friend, you are precious to me. love!   
 I do my best to guide and love my kids through the challenges of the world's influence.  I say no a lot.  I set firm boundaries. I'm not always the fun parent.  But the heart issue that stings is that a lot of time I'm an unkind parent.  I'm so consumed with impressing a point that I give little thought to the tone of my voice or the words I choose. Reading this verse, Psalm 139:4 " Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. " crushes me.  To know God knows my hurt before I lash them is embarrassing at best. And then I read this, Proverbs 15:4, " The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit." To know I am responsible for crushing my littles spirit is more than I can bear.  
Why is it that I can be so focused on protecting the wounds they can endure spiritually, physically and emotionally from others but I set up an exempt status on myself. Most people will agree that we as Mothers, have the single most influential impact on our child's life. Yet, I allow pride to supersede that truth.  I also believe the outward behavior and speech from someone reflects their heart.  What must my precious babies think of my love for them when I place the value of what I think over the value of what they mean to me.  Does my heart point them to Jesus with my words or away?
  We adopted a behavior rule from our old church that our children are To Obey Quickly, Completely, and Cheerfully...who wants to obey cheerfully when Momma snaps a command at them?  We also discipline by explaining that if our children know the consequence to disobeying then they are choosing to be disciplined, so if I know the Lord says, "..a perverse tongue crushes the spirit" then I must choose to break their spirit? A lot to take in.  Being disciplined by the Holy Spirit is not for the faint of heart, but the outcome of loving my littles the way God intended me to is a gift I will receive with open arms.   
I am also humbled when I think of this little guy:
my nephew Carter. Carter received his gift of life three years ago today. Amazing considering this little guy went into surgery like this...
and three years later we are rejoicing that he is getting bigger and healthier every day!
 So many struggle to have babies and fight to keep their babies alive, how can I take for granted these precious babes that God has given me? 
 Oh how they make my heart swell! 
Choosing this verse:
Psalm 35:28 " My tongue will proclaim your righteousness, your praises all day long. "
to pierce their hearts today.
Please consider joining the precious family who gave Carter life by signing up to be a donor.