{on my heart...}

Motherhood.  I would say parenting, but really that would be my way of distributing this Momma guilt to my Hubs and I need to learn how to play fair.  My dear friend Rachel posted this incredible post this week, appropriately titled {Using My Words}.  Here's my response:

fat tears. truth echoed. rebuke accepted. so thankful you obey the prompting of the holy spirit, this post was so timely. needing breakthrough in parenting. desperately. are things terrible? no. are they inching further and further away from the cross? yes. an inch a part from jesus is too much. i convince myself that being strict or more conservative in my parenting comes with a sharp tone, tongue even. the truth is, god always speaks truth in love, and if he is my standard, how can i justify the opposite? thank you friend. you can add this to tuesday's prayer request. please, i/we need the body's covering. thank you friend, you are precious to me. love!   

 I do my best to guide and love my kids through the challenges of the world's influence.  I say no a lot.  I set firm boundaries. I'm not always the fun parent.  But the heart issue that stings is that a lot of time I'm an unkind parent.  I'm so consumed with impressing a point that I give little thought to the tone of my voice or the words I choose. Reading this verse, Psalm 139:4 " Before a word is on my tongue you, LORD, know it completely. " crushes me.  To know God knows my hurt before I lash them is embarrassing at best. And then I read this, Proverbs 15:4, " The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit." To know I am responsible for crushing my littles spirit is more than I can bear.  

Why is it that I can be so focused on protecting the wounds they can endure spiritually, physically and emotionally from others but I set up an exempt status on myself. Most people will agree that we as Mothers, have the single most influential impact on our child's life. Yet, I allow pride to supersede that truth.  I also believe the outward behavior and speech from someone reflects their heart.  What must my precious babies think of my love for them when I place the value of what I think over the value of what they mean to me.  Does my heart point them to Jesus with my words or away?

  We adopted a behavior rule from our old church that our children are To Obey Quickly, Completely, and Cheerfully...who wants to obey cheerfully when Momma snaps a command at them?  We also discipline by explaining that if our children know the consequence to disobeying then they are choosing to be disciplined, so if I know the Lord says, "..a perverse tongue crushes the spirit" then I must choose to break their spirit? A lot to take in.  Being disciplined by the Holy Spirit is not for the faint of heart, but the outcome of loving my littles the way God intended me to is a gift I will receive with open arms.   

I am also humbled when I think of this little guy:

my nephew Carter. Carter received his gift of life three years ago today. Amazing considering this little guy went into surgery like this...

and three years later we are rejoicing that he is getting bigger and healthier every day!

 So many struggle to have babies and fight to keep their babies alive, how can I take for granted these precious babes that God has given me? 

 Oh how they make my heart swell! 

Choosing this verse:

Psalm 35:28 " My tongue will proclaim your righteousness, your praises all day long. "

to pierce their hearts today.

Please consider joining the precious family who gave Carter life by signing up to be a donor.

Donate A Life!

{linking up here, come read along}

{Waiting for Superman}

With God's prompting, we chose to homeschool two years ago.

We get to structure our day however we choose.  Choose whatever curriculum fits our child's learning styles. Break whenever we choose, for whatever length we choose. Choice after choice, we make each one.  And I take every single choice for granted.

I watched Waiting for Superman, this weekend and I was left heart broken and bawling.

I listened as statistics and footage showed me a 'back alley' if you will, of the public school system and how it is or isn't failing our children.  My opinion, based on the information provided (if it is accurate) is that we are failing our children,and that is heartbreaking.

Having been a product of the public school system I somewhat agree with the information provided.  I never lived in a low income neighborhood that would have been labeled as a low performing school, even still I had my fair share of teachers who poured into me, teachers who picked up a paycheck, schools that were a blessing to attend, and schools that were less than an acceptable.

In the end I was afforded every opportunity for success. I look back at those opportunities and I am embarrassed. I'm embarrassed that I took 10th grade English, not once, not twice, but three times.  I'm not embarrassed because a learning impairment kept me from doing so, but because I chose to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and not make school a priority.

This documentary gave a voice to those parents, many single parents, struggling just to provide their children with a safe and credible learning environment. When one little boy, no older than 11,  said while being interviewed that he wanted to got to a charter boarding school because he wanted a better life for his kids I felt the enormity of the situation. What happen to care free days when our littles went to school filled with beautiful daydreams of becoming teachers because their teachers inspired them to. 

Please hear my heart, teaching is one of the most sacrificial professions there is.  This post isn't about the teachers, the system, the unions, or the schools...it's about our babies being the next generation and their sweet spirits are broken.  It's about taking for granted that most of us can chose whatever path best suits our family, be it public, private, homeschool or anything in between.  It is also more about me really understanding the tremendous gift I have been given to be able to teach my children at home.  This film motivated me to fully embrace this amazing gift and pour out all that I have for my babies, until there is nothing left because they are worth it.

{Servant's Heart}

I have a great pair of french doors with inlay shutters at the back of my house.  Perfect for watching the kids frolic fight in the backyard.

Last week, I used those windows to watch my hubby teach my son a sweet lesson of how to love and serve his future bride well.

Shortly after dropping my SIL and I at the airport back in March for Creative Estates, my Hubs with kids in tow made their way to my FIL's house.  He lives a good hour and half from us and we don't nearly get enough time to visit regularly. Because my FIL works from home, it was a perfect chance to catch him before they headed home.  My in-laws had recently pulled up several bricks from their backyard patio.  Being ever so resourceful the Hubs offered to take the bricks off his hands.  We have a compact car and an old truck that might make it 30-45 miles from home.  This was going to be a long term commitment.  My father-in-law offered his truck and so began the trek home...back and forth to get it all home.  Quite the ordeal since we all got up around 4am!

He was so excited to show me the fruits of his labor when I got home.  He designed a brick slab to set our backyard swing on.  Not finished, but the gesture was worth it's weight in gold. He took the initiative to use some free time while I was gone to do something sweet for me.  This week he has finally had enough of a lull in his busy schedule to set to work at leveling the ground and preparing to make it a permanent slab.

I watched as my son handed his Daddy each brick.  Precision to ensure the work was done according to plan.  I watched as my son eagerly looked to his Dad for direction, willing to help.  I watched as sweat poured down on my Hubby's brow to complete this labor of love.

To most people, a brick slab doesn't evoke heart palpitations, but to me it is swoon worthy.  My hubby and I love to swing on the swing in breezy summer evenings, dreaming and reminiscing.  It's our special spot.  A year earlier he transformed the swing my parents gifted us by replacing the worn fabric cushions with more permanent wood seating.  I love how he values this sweet spot to continue to approve upon it.

More than the makeover on our special spot, I love the legacy he is weaving for our children.  I love that my son will value investing in his marriage.  I love that he will learn how to serve his wife.  I love that he longs to be the man his Father has become.

I am blessed to have an amazing husband who is an equally amazing Father.  So thankful that he willing serves me and builds up our marriage in ways I never knew I needed.

Thankful.