Friday, October 4, 2013

31 Days: Day Four Word of God Speak

Yesterday {today...ugh, I digress} I shared this concept of releasing the words.  I suppose it isn't quite a concept without an explanation.  In a nutshell, I believe I'm "doing" this series wrong.  I'm certain I am creating rules for this in my inner dialogue, being my worst critic and all, therefore there are no rules to be doing anything wrong.

I set out to let the Lord speak and he is.  I also attempted to not have an opinion about what that looked like and the reality is I am human with sin nature and I had already put God in a box.  I was sure that each post would be words gifted from heaven and elegant and life changing and and and. What seems to be happening is more like an extended version of Judy Blume's, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.
If you have ever read this gem, you know the preface of her ongoing dialogue with God.  It's more or less and inner commentary of her thoughts, her own narrator if you will.  That's a lot like me.  I fumble through the day talking to God.  My most prized time being in the shower.  It seems to be the place I slow enough to breathe.  Other times it's through gritted teeth, please Lord let them obey.  Or through tears, fresh with worry.  Or smiles, thankful for sweet reminders of His nearness.  Or on and on. I'm not a bible scholar, but I have a knack for my personal prayer time.  It's become my sanity, my stable calm in the storm.

And, so I translate the releasing of the words to mean, are you there God?  It's me, Jenni.  Instead of me retreating and claiming this to be a dismal failure, I will proceed in writing about how I speak to Him and how He responds.  He doesn't bellow back, "I am."  Nor does he whisper his presence.  He is steady.  I feel him all the time inviting me into worship, relationship, into a covenant of grace, hope and mercy.  Today He is speaking faithfulness because he is near.  He is near for me, for Margaret and for you.