{why hello there}

I am lame at this whole blog thing. I think I mentioned admitted before that I write posts in my head that never make it here. So here it goes...a little ramble to catch you up on my craziness.

A few weeks ago I caught myself a cold and it kinda threw me into a tailspin.  I feel good more days than bad, but that reminder that my immune system is a bit of a crap shoot, well it uh sucks frankly.  I'm a bit of a whiny baby when I don't feel good, to my hubs anyway, so he is quick to remind me that I need to do a better job taking care of myself.  Like taking those vitamins that keep me feeling amazing...when I take them.  Or that exercise that will help make that reality of swinging on the porch swing at eighty a reality...when I do it.

Which leads me to this.  I'm fat.  Not big boned or I haven't lost the baby weight, just good ole fat.  I am not a fan.  Unfortunately, I have zero will power to make it a priority to shed this excess baggage that reminds me of my inability to complete anything.  I start and stop most every new idea, fad, etc that seems right in the moment.  But, those moments are fleeting and I want to figure this out for good.  So I started reading Made To Crave, by Lysa TerKeurst after being encouraged by my sweet friend Erin.  And wouldn't you know it a local friend, Stephanie had the video and offered to go through it with me.  I'm gleaning a lot and  pray God captures my heart for more of Him and less of this crap I keep putting in my body.  I also started working out to a Wii Zumba game.  Whoa nelly, I am getting my Cumbia on.  I may not be sporting a bikini anytime soon, but one day I'm gonna run trails with my hubby and like it. {Don't tell him that goal, because he may just pester me to death about it.}

I had my first show for my shop a few weeks ago.  Whoever said we are our own worst critic was so right.  I did okay.  I made some money, but it wasn't quite what I had in mind.  I had a hard time comparing what my family gave up for me being a crazy lady the weeks prior, all the work my Hubs put into my booth display, the late nights, etc to the outcome itself.  So, I've wrestled a bit.  I love my little shop to pour out my creative giftings that God has placed on me, but I'd be lying if I didn't covet a little success. I'm not sure I would ever want this to become a job, but I'm really having to dig deep to find balance.  I have another show coming up next weekend, so I'll let you know if time and experience heals a bruised ego.

Homeschool is losing a little bit of luster in our home.  I feel like I'm almost being blasphemous with that statement.  I love it, as in the idea of it and the ability to be home, but it is hard.  Hard to draw the line between Mommy and teacher, work and play, being a scatterbrain and being the sole person responsible {Randy helps, but you know what I mean} for my children's education.  The truth is they both struggle in a few areas of learning, one more than the other and most days I feel terribly guilty that keeping them home will prove to be more of a detriment to their education.  In the end, I know that this is my calling in life.  I truly feel led to educate my children in the home.  What I do now is dig deep, say no when I need to, set boundaries, and pray.  Any pointers?

Church.  Oh that is a whooper of a topic for us.  We left our last church after almost six years there...two years ago.  God called us home to have church, be the church, do church.  And we obeyed.  I personally mourned, for awhile...like a long while.  It was crazy hard.  No wounds to make us leave, just the good ole Holy Spirit saying do it.  The last two years have been lonely.  Leaving somewhere that feels like home to not knowing the first thing about what a home church looked like for us was a paradigm shift. A lot has come from leaving.  Mostly growth, but along with it growing pains. Pains that exposed some wounds we didn't realize were there and pains from judgment from others and from ourselves. BUT, we serve a God who wrote the book on redemption and we recently joined a home church group that we can't get knit into fast enough.  We love it.  The kids love it.  We are experiencing community again in a fresh new way.  In a way that is breathing new life into us and we are so very happy.

I'm sure I'm leaving gobs and gobs out.  Some I'm sure you are thankful for, and the rest well if I don't start somewhere I won't start.  Do you have something you have put down that brings your life joy? I encourage you to start again, and let the joy breath new life.