31 Days: Day Five Word of God Speak

This.  Major conviction for me.

I shared yesterday how I am calling this releasing the words. Funny that is exactly what I need to do.

I help a few ladies from my church lead a small group of the middle school and high school age girls in our church.  We are reading Graceful, by Emily Freeman and we recently touched on how we present ourselves to one another.  The example of cussing came up and it was a gut check.  It's not something I'm especially proud of, but it's an expression of the sin I let into my life. That's not condemnation for you, hear my heart, it is sin for me.  Sin I am aware of and have not been able to overcome.  And as I thought of that, the verse above was brought to mind.  I have it in my home as a reminder of an area I need to seek grace for because I can't do it alone. 

There's a nursery rhyme you should remember from growing up...

Sticks and stones

may break my bones

but, words will never hurt me.

Words do hurt.  

On an especially trying day of motherhood, the Lord led me to Proverbs 15:1 and I posted this picture on Instagram. I'm pretty sure I posted something about needing it tattooed to my forehead...I elected sharpie on my palm.  As my patience dissolves the octave of my voice rises.  I could give so many excuses, but they don't eliminate the impact my behavior has on my children's hearts.

I know I will never achieve a sinless life.  I know there is grace and forgiveness. I still long for a day when my words are quick to encourage before they are quick to correct.  That they are words spoken in kindness and not in anger.  That they would be pleasing to the Father in all ways.  That this would be the truth of my home:

31 Days: Day Four Word of God Speak

Yesterday {today...ugh, I digress} I shared this concept of releasing the words.  I suppose it isn't quite a concept without an explanation.  In a nutshell, I believe I'm "doing" this series wrong.  I'm certain I am creating rules for this in my inner dialogue, being my worst critic and all, therefore there are no rules to be doing anything wrong.

I set out to let the Lord speak and he is.  I also attempted to not have an opinion about what that looked like and the reality is I am human with sin nature and I had already put God in a box.  I was sure that each post would be words gifted from heaven and elegant and life changing and and and. What seems to be happening is more like an extended version of Judy Blume's, Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret.

If you have ever read this gem, you know the preface of her ongoing dialogue with God.  It's more or less and inner commentary of her thoughts, her own narrator if you will.  That's a lot like me.  I fumble through the day talking to God.  My most prized time being in the shower.  It seems to be the place I slow enough to breathe.  Other times it's through gritted teeth, please Lord let them obey.  Or through tears, fresh with worry.  Or smiles, thankful for sweet reminders of His nearness.  Or on and on. I'm not a bible scholar, but I have a knack for my personal prayer time.  It's become my sanity, my stable calm in the storm.

And, so I translate the releasing of the words to mean, are you there God?  It's me, Jenni.  Instead of me retreating and claiming this to be a dismal failure, I will proceed in writing about how I speak to Him and how He responds.  He doesn't bellow back, "I am."  Nor does he whisper his presence.  He is steady.  I feel him all the time inviting me into worship, relationship, into a covenant of grace, hope and mercy.  Today He is speaking faithfulness because he is near.  He is near for me, for Margaret and for you.

31 Days: Day Three Word of God Speak

Here again, late...well after I should be in bed.  I'm restless.  I would love to say I've set the tone with the perfect ambiance of peaceful worship music, a flickering candle and a warm cup of joe.  Alas, it is not.  It is however, been replaced with the murmur of the television and the knocking of overalls in the dryer.  I'd still be here in this place of questions I can't answer and prayers I'm willing with all my might to play out in my favor, so this is as good a place as any to release the words.

That's what I'm calling this...releasing the words, releasing the feelings.

This relationship I keep with the Father is my safe place. When a ripple hits the water and I'm bewildered with the change, He is there.  Or so enamored with tranquility I never notice, it's because He is there. 

This safe place doesn't keep me from feeling the hurts from words spoken or wounds from relationships broken or the discourse left behind from lies believed.

In all of it, the truth is I am loved. I am valued.  I am worthy, whether someone else sees that or not.